Lost and Found Again.

 

I was reading this post by Robert Genn this morning , and it--along with the comments in reply to it--brought to mind my memories of my own time spent disconnected from my Muse.

I've been artistic since I could hold a brush or pencil. I used to write stories and poems and make art all of the time. I think my mom still has a collection of my work somewhere! This went on from very early right up until I hit my mid-20s, and then it stopped.

For 10 years, I was in a relationship that was very unhealthy. My partner was an artist, true--a very talented one--but due to his various issues and my own responses to them, I became blocked for a long time. Oh, sure, I still wrote down ideas for pieces, and I still wrote poetry and did some freelance writing; however, the visual side of my art went dormant. At the time, I chalked it up to being too depressed or too busy or just not having enough space. (At the time, and for the same reasons, our home was very cluttered.)

Looking back now, however, I see that there was just a lot of fear there, a need to protect my most fragile inner core. I really feel that is why I did not make art. My partner did, and I even tried to help him get it sold and/or published, but me? No. Not until very near the end, when it just burst out of me.

So how did I reclaim my inner artist? How did I reconnect with my Muse? It's hard to verbalize. First, I started early on to clean up the old space, and when I moved into my current home, one of the first rooms I set up was the studio/guest room. The room was sacrosant. No cats, no outside influences. Just my computer, my supplies, and the guest bed. It was the Temple within my home, and in the beginning, I went there to just think and look at my supplies. I spent a lot of time doing this. Not making, just looking at what I had and drinking it all in.

Another thing I did (other than the obvious--ending that relationship) was I spent a lot of time just being good to myself. Sometimes, that meant talking through my trauma with a friend or a counselor or my mom. Sometimes, it meant spending quiet time alone, watching shows or reading materials that I enjoyed. It also meant doing solitary work on my healing process.

Part of that healing process has been JenniferLynn Productions, LLC. Once I got back into consistently making art and taking pictures and writing, my confidence started to come back. Having previously been in business (crafts) with a friend, I started to feel strong enough to start sharing my work with others.

It doesn't stop here, either: My work is still evolving. I am still learning, each and every day. Most importantly, I am working with my art in some way each and every day, whether I am crafting or working on photos or working on a painting. Every day, my butt is in my studio chair, and my hands are in paint or glue or on the mouse. Nowadays, when I get blocked--we all do--I simply switch to a different medium or project. (I have so many UFOs floating around that we could rename our house "Area 51!") If none of that works, I write. If that doesn't work either, I walk away and focus on the house or on errands, but shifting my focus always works.

If you are blocked, shift your focus. If you are disconnected completely, take heart: You can find it again. I promise.

Please feel free to share your own insights about being blocked and/or losing your muse!